is Question 3. This is strategy: What you do and don’t do; what you say and don’t say; who you be and don’t be . . . to get from where you are now to where you want to be. Question 1 is how he is thinking and feeling; Question 2 is the story of what happens; Question 3 is what works here for you.

These 3 questions work together to analyze one relationship. The way the three interlace and interrelate, you remember the material. They work together in such a way that you usually grasp – eureka! – why #3 would be effective behavior on your part, and how you can really pull it off. (“Sure I can do this.”)

Oftentimes the answer is keep doing what you are doing. An intuitive feel will cause you to do what works without knowing why: This answer tells you the why. What a relief!

Sometimes what works makes no sense, so the answer is a surprise. Here, the Law of Unintended Consequences is alive and well and working in your favor. Haven’t some of your most brilliant moves been accidental, unintended or even blunders? And sometimes when you are playing it so straight, the comedian wins? Strategy has a logic of its own, an intuitive logic.

Question 3 is the one that tells you what to do
and say, who to be when you have that meeting with the boss after lunch; when you attend the Thanksgiving dinner from hell with relatives; when there’s a madman to live with; when the baby begins to hang out of the crib; when you have choices and you want to know which is the better or the best course.


Let’s say you have choices: jobs, cities, love interests, places to move to, what to wear to the wedding . . . anything, large or small. The Question is: Looking back after (you choose a time or several different times), how will I feel about my life if I choose A; if I choose B? The answer is from your own view of what will have happened. (The answer includes unforeseen events, things you will discover only in retrospect.)

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